I Wanted to Be a Spy: Venus Retrograde


pink cigarette ashI wanted to be a spy. I grew up on property bordered by a cemetery, railroad tracks, a meadow and a brook. I put on lip gloss, a pink beret and feigned an accent as my step brother and I looked for dead bodies and organs in the water. I’d pull out slime covered burnt orange rocks and call them hearts. In kindergarten a fireman came to visit. The teacher asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up. I said I wanted to be a ballerina.

I wanted to be a writer. I wrote a story in third grade and it won an award.  I said my friend wrote it. I said I only did the drawings. Later I convinced myself I wasn’t clever enough to be a writer.

Venus in Scorpio and Libra- Retrograde Dates

  • Retrograde at 13 Scorpio 14′ on Friday, October 8th.
  • Retrogrades into 00 Libra on Sunday, November 7th.
  • Direct at 27 Libra 40′ on Thursday, November 18th.
  • Reenters 00 Scorpio on Monday, November 29th.

If you have planets between 27 Libra and 13 Scorpio you will feel this retrograde. If Venus is your chart ruler you’ll be affected. And, if you have planets between 27 and 13 of Aries/Taurus, Cancer/Leo or Capricorn/Aquarius you’ll feel it.

I Don’t Need Permission


Jaye Davidson in Stargate

Transiting Venus will cross my North Node at 12 Scorpio 45′ three times this fall. They are making their first conjunction right now.

Last year I had a powerful dream. I met one of my guides. He looked similar to Jaye Davidson from the movie Stargate.

He wanted to underscore something:

I don’t need permission

I tried to deny that I look for approval, but his look said, “Don’t bother,”  and I knew he was right.

Valuing Authenticity

Venus rules my natal South Node in Taurus. Scorpio is the sign of my North Node. Libra is the sign on my 2nd house, and Pluto sits in the 2nd house.

During this Venus retrograde I’ll retrace why I denied what I wanted and question how I let my need to please dominate my choices.

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  • Idan

    Hi michelle!
    My venus also conjucnt the north node almost, and he retorgrade in the 5th house, what does it mean?

    • Do you have some ideas?

      • Idan

        I guees a change in the artistic area of life? and maybe self confidence changes?

        • Yes, those are good ideas. Maybe also allowing yourself more self-expression, fun and romance. Venus’s aspects, as well the signs of the NN and SN and their placements, and their rulers’ placements, all help give more information- but that’s a good start 😉

          • Idan

            Thanks I’ll check 🙂

  • firetiger

    michelle~ u have venus rx natally? I do… in Scorpio 19degrees and i wanted to be a spy and a detective and a writer when I was younger… my family started talking me out of it once they realized i was really serious.. sad. I used to write vampire stories in the 5th grade on my old old old typewriter hahaha…. so anyway this should hit my sun when venus goes direct and square mars in aqua again at some point. but people with the natal rx usually don’t have a hard time when venus goes retrograde. i have already flushed out an unhealthy thing with an aquarius and moved on so i hope the universe grants me a nice birthday wish and continues to bless me 🙂

    • No, I don’t have Venus retrograde natally, but I have a Scorpio North Node and 3 planets in the 8th house ( and some asteroids). I wrote really macabre stories all the way through middle school.

      Maybe this Venus retro will continue to bring you good luck 😀

  • Sally

    I’ve been busy and haven’t had time to comment but have been following along here. The whole node thing is interesting to me. Never understood them much. I have south node/Taurus north node/Scorpio too only switched … my south node is in the 10th conjunct Mercury at 20 taurus. Still trying to wrap my mind around what it all means but my T-square is definitely hit AND Venus is my chart ruler. Should be interesting times

    • I’ll be getting to the NN in Scorpio/ SN in Taurus- that is my nodal axis as well. The thing about the Nodes is that, although you can look up individual elements, they really do need to be taken within the context of the whole chart. The nodal rulers shed light on the nodes as well. If you haven’t read it, check out my post North and South Node Rulers: http://astrofix.net/2010/05/21/north-node-and-south-node-rulers/

  • Later I convinced myself I wasn’t clever enough to be a writer.

    I can relate. I convinced myself of that some time in the ninth grade. Sometimes I feel really insecure around people who are more “cerebral,” people who can just write and write and write and are confident about their work. Maybe this Venus Retrograde will be the beginning of great novels!

    • I hope so!. I always felt like writers had to be uber intellectual types and that I just couldn’t compete at that level.

  • Anonymous

    I’m not looking forward to this rather fateful Venus Rx. My prenatal syzygy is at 12 Taurus, so it begins its slow journey opposing it, and ends with a month or so sitting at 27 Libra, exactly quincunx my natal Venus on Algol star, the eye of Medusa. In addition, Venus is ruler of my Sun in Taurus, so carries extra weight. I’ve found 27 Libra to be a malefic degree because of this quincunx– it often brings thoughts of suicide and ending of life, and my mother, represented by Venus in my chart, instead of the Moon (probably because I am Cancer rising and the Moon in 3rd house represents me) ended her life by hanging, the classical meaning of Algol. It doesn’t help that Neptune will be squaring my natal Venus for another year!

    So I will be paying mind to letting go of old attachments and resentments, especially the ones I don’t even realize I have.

    • Have transiting Jupiter, Uranus and Chiron hovering around 27 Aquarius/Pisces been feeding into those feelings at all?

      • Anonymous

        Yes, Chiron transited to 1 Pisces to conjunct my Mars, then retrograded back, but spent quite a bit of time conjunct transiting Neptune within orb of square to my natal Venus. And my MC is 26 Pisces so obviously a major angle is being hit back and forth by Uranus and Jupiter as they conjoin each other. It’s so complex!

        It’s a time when I’m trying to figure out where my next step is. I’m thinking of moving away from my current area, but I feel bound to someone who is a “mother figure” — someone I’m not sure would do well without me, but on the other hand, I don’t think I’d do well unless I left. But if I leave, it means throwing comfort and safety into the air and entering danger and netlessness. Because I have no family– they’re all dead. Any fuck up in my life could lead to some real messed up consequences. But I’m good at setting myself up in “cushy safe spots” like the one I have now my Jupiter in 8th gift. It’s just leaving them that’s hard.

        • Maybe you should wait a while longer before making a decision.

          • Anonymous

            Yeah, I want to wait until everything’s direct again, which means Spring 2011ish.

            • Anonymous

              I dunno, maybe sooner than that. I keep hoping for a Great Event to force me to move.

              • Lol…Uranus goes full force in Aries mid March. That should shake things up.

  • Anonymous

    Fascinating! My North Node at 8 Taurus, my Mars/Pluto conjunction in Scorpio, my Libra MC (I think, its at 20 Libra), and Neptune in Capricorn are all going to be lit up like a Christmas Tree under this transit.

    So far today I took my first dance class in over a decade, and I feel like someone put a missing piece back in my puzzle. I did Samba and sweated and moved and lost my breathe, felt like fainting, but left feeling lighter than air and felt like I was glowing. I sorta have a date on Friday with a boy I met back in June who “dumped” me abruptly, but now he’s back and we’re going to go to a concert. He’s also an amazing dancer. I’d value his friendship and dance skills over romance at this point.

    I have long since denied my need to dance regularly. I think its the best way to move my energy and stay healthy. I’m going to make this a regular thing, at least 2x a week.

    I’ll use this energy however it wants to use me…hopefully falling in love with myself, with the things I love and doing those things as well.

    • Today happens to be the exact Venus/Mars conjunction 12 Scorpio 40′. It’s ra eally good day to rekindle passion.

      With Venus in detriment in Scorpio,un-burying repressed desires could be a theme for the next 5 weeks.