broken home. Split at the core. Losing your center. Off balance. Teetering on the edge. Broken inside. You don’t know how to feel good anymore. Every family relationship is in pain. There’s no place to call home. Nobody lives where they used live. No one lives at home anymore. There’s no place to turn for support. There’s no one to lean on. Something doesn’t feel right. Something is off. Something doesn’t sit right. There’s something wrong at the very core. Uncomfortable. The root of the problem. There’s a problem at the very base of the operation. Wounded inner sense of safety and security. Afraid to turn off the lights at night. Still using a nightlight at age 35. Still having trouble waking up on time for important things out in the world. Fundamental wounding to your ability to be an independent adult in the world.
I think everyone understands grief, the journey it takes us on, whether it’s the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, a disappointment. Some people don’t deal with it, the power of it. Some do. Some feel the weight of it and it informs their choices. I’ve had to open up to grief in different contexts.
– Tori Amos
Family dependency issues. Does your family approve of you? If you lack support from your family, you might never fulfill your potential. You might stay home crying everyday wondering how it ever got so bad. So deeply sensitive. Such a longing to hide at home, forever. The more time you spend at home, the more reclusive you get. If only you could stay in bed all day. Maybe you never had a real home. Maybe you never had a “real” family. Maybe you were raised by someone other than your parents. Your mother might have been unfit to care for you. Your dad, maybe he couldn’t bring himself to care at all. Put in foster care. Shuffled around? Shuffled from one parent to the other? Home for the holidays? Where? Feeling disassociated from your race, ethnicity or heritage. Not knowing where you come from or where you belong. Who are your people? Deeply sensitive about your roots and your family, even when you don’t know what they are. You care so much, it hurts. Does your family feel the same about you? Do you feel like you belong with them? Healing the hurt feelings of home. Healing your home. Healing your family. Healing the place you came from. Healing your country or nation. You care so much the land you stand on. You care where you stand and who stands with you. This land is your land, this land is my land? Has your land been taken from you? Refugee? Reservation? You’d love to care about where you are. You’d love to have the people you love living close to you. You’d love to own a piece of property and have your own house. Lack of having a true home could motivate you to become a realtor, property manager or real estate magnate later in life. You draw your greatest creativity from your roots and your family and the ground you stand on.
You are on a quest to put down roots somewhere you feel safe and secure. You’re on a quest to feel comfortable with who you are at a deeply fundamental level. You want to feel that you are where you belong. You want to feel that you are with the people you belong with. You are a guide in showing people how to express painful emotions about family and heritage and what matters most, even when it gets uncomfortable. Your family isn’t comfortable with your level of sensitivity and one wrong comment can knock your world off balance.
You’re too sensitive. You want to hide, and sometimes you do. If people see how vulnerable you are, will they poke a stick in the wound? It’s hard to operate out in the world feeling like this. If only you could find a way to work from home, or with your family, or with people you feel safe around. How can anything grow in this ground? How can you grow and nurture yourself when you’re recovering from one hurt after another?
Being tender and open is beautiful. As a woman, I feel continually shhh’ed. Too sensitive. Too mushy. Too wishy washy. Blah blah. Don’t let someone steal your tenderness. Don’t allow the coldness and fear of others to tarnish your perfectly vulnerable beating heart. Nothing is more powerful than allowing yourself to truly be affected by things.
― Zooey Deschanel
You’re healing something that is deeply broken within you, your family, or your heritage. You feel that it can be fixed, and you seek solutions. You’re a mentor to others in your family. This is what it means to be part of this family! This is who we are! This is our heritage! These are our customs! There is no worse feeling than not belonging with the people who are your people. The pain is just excruciating. Unless you heal the hurt, it can be painful for you to start your own family. Having your own family brings up all the old issues you’ve always had to deal with. Feeling your lineage. Feeling the weight of your inherited familial baggage. You can be the maverick who puts an end to bad family habits, poor behavior and unhealthy choices. You can help your family heal. You may be a family counselor. Maybe you are the one everyone goes to for advice on how to get along with everyone else in the family. You create a bridge between your family members. You create a bridge between the people who are like you and who come from where you come from.
Healing comes from having your own home, a place where you make the rules and where you feel safe. Healing comes from learning how to feel safe inside and how to protect yourself. Healing comes from carving out your personal, private space that no one can infiltrate or debase. Healing comes from starting your own family, whether that family includes kids, dogs, birds, or plants. The key to healing could be to become a parent. The key to healing could be getting that DNA test after all. The key to healing could be traveling to your place of origin, no matter how far removed you are now. Your quest beckons you home. Your quest begins at home.
Sensitivity is the loophole you slip through. Your sensitivity can make you or break you. Denying your sensitivity can leave you broken forever. You’re a guide to others who are lost and looking for home. You long to feel your whole, complete self. The journey to your roots puts your fragmented heart back together. You are learning where you truly belong, where you feel you belong. You long to feel included. You long to feel like one of the family. You can create a bridge between the past and present of who you were, who you are and who you are becoming.
People with Chiron/IC Aspects:
- Tori Amos, singer: Chiron conjunct IC
- Zooey Deschanel, singer/actress, Elf: Chiron conjunct IC
- Tony Blair, UK former Prime Minister: Chiron opposite IC
- Napoleon Bonaparte II, French politician: Chiron opposite IC
- Hans Christian Anderson, writer of fairy tales, The Little Mermaid: Chiron square IC
- Kurt Cobain, front man, Nirvana: Chiron square IC
- Lizzie Borden, “Lizzie Borden took an ax and gave her mother 40 whacks.”: Chiron sextile IC
- Francis Ford Coppola, director, The Godfather: Chiron sextile IC
- Josh Brolin, actor, No Country for Old Men: Chiron trine IC
- Dick Cheney, US former Vice President: Chiron trine IC
- Healing & Wholeness
- Emotional Center
- Private Self
- Base of Operation
- Where You Stand
- Ethnic, Cultural and Family Roots
- Unconscious Mind
- The Nurturing Parent