Today was complicated. I went to the last of my four Tarot classes, and it was excellent. The 11 women who take part in this group are intuitive and perceptive, and give excellent interpretations of the cards. We did a spread based on the 9 of disks (Gain) and I came up against a lot of resistance in myself especially in accepting that my personal path points in a direction away from the mainstream. I know this, but I can’t accept it- even though this is what I want the most! I have resistance to being successful. There’s some part of me that feels if I allow myself to plunge all the way into the deepest parts of myself to be who I am, I’ll get lost. I also fear that I’ll give all of my energy to something that ultimately turns out to be fruitless. I don’t want to become a kook either. I can’t seem to accept that some people will actually like me more as I become more of myself.
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